When a friend has dietary restrictions, it’s important to choose venues that can accommodate them, but they shouldn’t always have control over where you go and what you eat.
One woman recently had to tell her vegan and sober friend she couldn’t see her as frequently because she couldn’t deal with her choice of restaurants and judgment surrounding food choices.
She is 50, and among her group of friends is a 46-year-old woman named Lauren, who eats a vegan diet and is sober.
While she applauds Lauren’s lifestyle choices, she and many of their other friends eat animal products and enjoy the occasional drink, so making lunch or dinner plans can be difficult. It’s especially difficult because Lauren is very particular and has no issues with inconveniencing the group.
“We [don’t] get out very often, but when we do, it always has to be limited due to Lauren’s choices,” she explained.
“We live in an area where our food choices suck, to begin with, so having to go to eat where she can be satisfied is very limited. There really isn’t much to do otherwise at night. In addition, she gets upset when any one of us eats something that has an obvious meat to it.”
For instance, when she’s out with Lauren, she won’t get judged if she orders something like chicken soup, but if she orders something meatier, like a hamburger, Lauren will guilt-trip her.
Additionally, whenever Lauren is around while their group orders some drinks, Lauren will send them articles about the harmfulness of alcohol and how bad it is for them.
Lauren’s behavior has increasingly gotten on her nerves, so over the last few months, she’s bailed any time Lauren has initiated something or changed their plans to accommodate her lifestyle. She no longer wants to spend money on overpriced vegan food she doesn’t enjoy or get shamed every time she orders a drink.
Recently, Lauren confronted her, asking why she kept bailing on their plans, and she simply responded, “I respect your choices, but by the very nature of them, they have limited mine.”
She told Lauren she had limited funds and only wanted to go out to eat and drink if it would be an experience she’d enjoy. She also mentioned that she’d make her own plans if she wanted something like a cocktail and a steak. But if she wanted healthy food and water, she’d hit her up.
She also told Lauren that if she’d like, they could make plans that didn’t revolve around going out to eat, like spending time at the beach.
“She didn’t like that too much [and] said that isn’t what friendship is about and I should enjoy the company enough not to care,” she recalled.
“I told her that I understood and would gladly hang out with her when food or drink isn’t [involved], and she said there is nothing else to do around here.”
After arguing with Lauren back and forth, she finally told her that she’d no longer be catering to her needs every time they got together and put her foot down. Now, their entire friend group knows about the drama and isn’t sure where to go from here.
What would you do about Lauren if you were in her position?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
