Five years ago, this 30-year-old man and his wife, also 30, got married, and they were high school sweethearts.
He always admired how intelligent and driven she was. They had a shared interest in academia and many topics that others would consider nerdy.
After they graduated from college, they luckily both obtained jobs in the same city.
He and his wife had a baby three years into their marriage.
Originally, they had planned to put their child in daycare six months after his wife gave birth so that she could continue working.
However, once the six months were over, his wife said she wasn’t going to return to work or put their child in daycare.
“Her argument was if I picked up more work, we could afford a single-income household. And she will be saving us money being a stay-at-home parent. She said that it was better for our child as well. I refused. Daycare is normal. If it was only me working, I would have to work way more hours, be exhausted, and not spend as much time with my child,” he said.
He told his wife that if she was concerned about the idea of sending their baby to daycare, they could alternate their work schedules so that they could take turns staying home with the baby. That way, they could each contribute equally to childrearing.
Despite offering what he felt was a compromise, his wife rejected this idea, telling him she didn’t think that would be a good enough plan for her. She added that as a mother, she felt like it was necessary to be around her baby around the clock.
“This caused a huge fight between us. She quit her job. She took care of the baby during my work hours and wanted me to take care of cooking dinner on weekdays and cooking, cleaning, and baby care on weekends because ‘stay-at-home moms deserve breaks, too,” he explained.
Due to the shift in how he thought things would play out after they had their baby, their relationship drastically changed. He began to feel bitterness and resentment towards his wife because he didn’t want her to stay at home to take care of their child.
He tried talking to her about his frustrations over and over. Bills were piling up, and he was overwhelmed with work. With how many hours he was working each week, this didn’t leave him with much time to spend with his child.
Understandably, this hurt him a lot.
“When I was sure she wasn’t going to listen to me, I filed for divorce. The court gave us 50/50 custody and no alimony or child support since I proved it was her own decision to stay home, something I never agreed upon, and her career break was only around a year,” he shared.
Once his marriage ended, he moved into his parents’ house, and they had enough space for when he had custody of his child.
Now, his ex-wife is barely surviving from one paycheck to the next. During his workday, his mother watches his baby.
His mother reached out to his ex-wife and told her that she could do the same for her, too, when she has custody, but his ex-wife was furious and turned her down.
Instead of taking his mother up on her offer, his ex-wife opted to send their child to daycare while she had to work.
Because he knew that the offer from his mother to watch their child in order to save on daycare costs was on the table, he told his ex-wife that he wouldn’t pay for daycare and that it was her responsibility to do so.
After all of this drama, his ex-wife called him a jerk for leaving her due to her choice to be a stay-at-home mother and not helping her financially after the divorce.
Do you think he did the right thing by divorcing his wife when she decided to be a stay-at-home parent?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
